What Am I Fighting For?

I don't know if this happens to any other cancer survivor. But after being given the positive thumbs up for 5 years of remission and the tears of joy, I found myself in an odd position/feeling: now what?

So I take personal inventory. Do I feel stronger? Check. Do I feel like a huge burden has been lifted? Sort of a check (I'll get to that). Do I stop doing what I've been doing? Uh, I don't know. My focus has been my health both physically and mentally for 5 years, fighting, hurting, recovering, masking the side effects (some which will live forever with me) and trying to take it one day at a time. Because I had a "cause". I had a purpose––to live. I even have a blog. And as you can tell by the length of time between posts, I've been struggling with this feeling and didn't think it was worthy of the space.

And that was stupid. I do have more to say. (For those who know me, I know that comes as a shocker, insert sarcasm here). And I still need the help of others. cancer is always lurking, like a shadow from a dimly lit alley. I have to watch my time in the sun, as skin cancer is always at the surface. Which is why the "burden" hasn't been totally lifted. I also have been able to decipher who my friends and friendly colleagues are through these last 5 years. That has been humbling and eye-opening at the same time and I'm not going to try to understand it completely. It is what it is.

I'm sure I'll figure something else out. I'm still supporting others who are going through cancer and donating time and money to the effort to find a cure. I'll keep writing, even if it's only for me and my well-being.

Yeah, that will work.