Friday, July 2, 2010

The Scary Thing About cancer Blogs

Being able to write about my experiences with cancer is a blessing. (No, it really is. Read on.).

Why? While all of us have to face our mortality one way or another, cancer has this dastardly way of ruining your day––because it's such a deadly disease today could be the day cancer wins over your life. No life, no posts. There are many who stop blogging because they have stopped breathing. And sometimes, they just loose interest. Run out of things to write. Move on to other endeavors. The weird thing is, how do you know?

One of the first connections with the cancer blog community––and it's a big one, people––I made was with Dennis and his blog, Being Cancer, which has been a source of inspiration and information that has really helped me. (If you peek to the right of this post and scroll down just a bit, you'll also see Being Cancer listed as one of the blogs I follow.).

Dennis "found me" and this blog and sent me an email. He wanted to feature one of my posts on his blog. Cool. Happy to do it. Share the love, pain, stories and inner-most thoughts of a cancer survivor. Hell yeah. This made me feel connected to so many people, even if I never get to "meet" them in this viral world or face-to-face. (Does that happen anymore?). But now I'm worried about Dennis. He hasn't posted in a few weeks. Dennis was diagnosed with T-PLL, a rare aggressive form of chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL), in 2001. Had a bone marrow transplant in 2004. And tons of other treatments and cancer-related issues since. (Visit the link above for more info.).

Now I could send Dennis an email. I could. But what if he doesn't answer? What if he can't answer? What if he never answers?

That's the scary part.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Unplugged To Recharge

I know, it sounds and looks weird.

If you've noticed a lag in my posts, it's because I totally and completely unplugged––no Crackberry, no emails and only checking the scores online. I even didn't know where my phone was half the time. Not that I was keeping time or track. I was on vacation. A half stay-cation and va-cation. I had lost track of time. And that was the reason I needed to go on vacation in the first place.

I was abusing my time. Working way too much and not taking time to stop and think. Stop and love. Stop and just stop. Minutes would roll into hours that would roll into days and roll into weeks and you get the idea. I had lost track of my time and place. I had begun to ask, more than once or twice, "did I survive cancer so I could work my life away?". Now don't get me wrong. I am thankful every day I have a job. I've been on the jobless side. I love what I do for a living and feel fortunate to have the type of job I have. But there's more to life. Right?

At least 2-3 times a day while we were on vacation, Teresa and I would say "we can do whatever we want, when we want. Because we're on vacation." As if to remind ourselves we were actually taking time to just be Greg & Teresa. Time, which I have said repeatedly, is the most precious gift and greatest result from cancer. Sounds strange, I know. But I have a whole new respect for every increment of time that I learned from cancer. So I had to re-learn that my time is precious. And it's up to me to make the most of my time. And I'm much better when I'm all charged up.

Plugged or unplugged.