Thursday, August 20, 2009

Back In The Tube

Tomorrow is a very big day. Early morning preso to the Big Boss. And a PET Scan.

I've been trying to post my feelings about the PET Scan for a few days now. But I have sooooo many thoughts running through my head that putting them in writing has been difficult at best. Why? I'm glad you asked. It's because I'm an emotional lightening rod. (My friend Steve calls me "Broken Arrow"). I'm a tell-it-like-it-is kind of person. I'm honest––which is both good and bad––and many people can't handle that. And probably most important of all, I think the chemo is finally leaving my body.

My mind has been racing for weeks. Thinking about my family. Thinking about my work––I haven't been happy there recently. Thinking about what's really important in life. Thinking about what others are thinking about. Thinking about the skin cancer I had frozen off two weeks ago. Yeah, like I said, a racing mind. And these are only the highlights. Or lowlights. Because I know I've been distant from those close to me. Not intentionally. But as a result of trying to put my life into perspective, I've been trying to steal some alone time. (Nothing personal, everyone. Just living in my own private Idaho. It's what I do).

Funny, I will have about 3-4 hours alone time tomorrow. I'll get some stuff pumped into my veins, shoved in a tube for an hour or so and of course, do it all almost naked in a cold room with a complete stranger. So that will be a time for reflection. 

And praying that my body is cancer free. On the inside.

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