A Reason To Celebrate.

About this time 31 years ago, I was waking up (West Coast Time) to get ready for a big day. I wasn't hungover or waking up in Tijuana on a bus with only my underwear on and a dime taped to my forehead. (Another story for another time). I was alone in my 2 bedroom duplex that I shared with my Girlfriend and a 2-year-old.

It was my wedding day. I was adamant about not getting married since the time I was 10, having watched my parents get divorced from each other and both going through another divorce with their current partners. So marriage was not for me. Until I met the kindest, genuine, caring, most grounded, beautiful and fun woman in the world. When I met her in March of 1981, I was homeless (living out of a friend's VW bug with bad breaks and having to pop the clutch often to get it started), working in the mailroom at Chiat/Day making $800/month and living life one day at a time. Not quite "the catch". I still remember laying in bed wondering why this woman would want to spend the rest of her life with me––hell, I didn't even want to spend the rest of my life with me.

Our ceremony started at 7pm. Or was supposed to. My Mother was late––as usual––so we held up the ceremony for 30 minutes until she arrived. My poor soon-to-be Brother-In-Law was singing before the ceremony as guests arrived. Thank God he was a professional and knew how to extend the show. I had not seen Teresa yet. I even thought maybe she said "forget it" and left the church.

After witnessing my Mother being seated in the church, it was time to go wait at the alter. As the music played, I got to see Teresa for the first time in over 24 hours. She glowed. She was nervous. She was stunning. She was going to be my Wife. As I read my written vows to her, I had this extereme sense of hope, calm, belonging and most importantly a love that was so deep it hurt. In a great way.

Happy Anniversary to Teresa, the love of my life. My best friend ever. I still get excited coming home to see her every night. I still can't believe she sleeps with me every night––and that she puts up with my craziness and bullshit. And I love her infinitely more today than I did 31 years ago. I hope we have 31 more years together.

Where Does Love Go After Valentine's Day?

Right after Christmas––ok, not RIGHT after Christmas but close enough––the race for your attention is front and center with Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day has become an angst filled moment for millions of Americans, trying to show their love for one another on this special day. Candy. Flowers. Teddy bears with clothes on and supposedly cute sweet sayings attached. Bling. Rings and all kinds of special things for this special day.

Now I'm all for romance––no really, you can ask my Wife––but I have a simple question: what happens after the "love day"? Do we just stop loving? Stop showing our love to those who we love every day? We are loving people every day, aren't we? It's not "I REALLY, REALLY love you today on Valentine's Day. Tomorrow we'll go back to being our normal, take-you-for-granted selves, OK?

I don't profess to have all the answers. Hell if I did, I wouldn't be sitting here blogging about it I'd be making big $$$. But I don know one thing I'll do today that I did this past Valentine's Day. Tell those who I love, "I love you." Without any pretense or presents.

Just with love.

Family

I've been away from the keyboard for a few days while my family came to visit. My Mom and my Cousin spent three days with us last week. It was the first time my Mom has seen me since recovering from cancer. It was the first time I'd seen my Cousin in about 7 years.

It was a great visit. It was also a reminder how important family is to all of us. We all have some sort of family unit, which takes on many shapes and forms. And that type of diversity is a GOOD thing, no matter what your beliefs, traditions and practices may be. I say this because we have lived in the DC area for 16 years, away from all of our extended family and have come to rely on each other for so much support. My family is the most important thing in my life.

I've always desired to have a close knit family, one that enjoys each other's company––most of the time, 'cause 100% of bliss, happiness and getting along is TOTALLY out of the question––and above all else, understands that love is the eternal bond no matter what the circumstances. My family means everything to me, and as a cancer survivor, that love is what pulled me through to recovery. The love from those far away. And the love that was and is, close by.

This is somewhat of an interesting post for me, as a member of our family passed away suddenly as we all we're just feeling so good about spending time together. So it is with a heavy heart I write this somewhat somber post, dedicated to La Familia. I treasure the time I have with my family. It can be taken away in an instant and an excruciating family time/moment can seem like a lifetime. But I do believe in one major factor that is at the center of any family, no matter what your definition is of "family".

Love fuels the family. Family is love.

Living To See Life

Every day I wake up is a blessing.

I was telling my friend, Kristen, that every day I walk out my front door I look up to the sky and smile. Even if it's raining, like today. Kristen is going through a tough time right now, as a close family member is battling cancer. (My prayers for you, Kristen). I related a saying my Father has spoken to me on more than one occasion--yesterday is a cancelled check, tomorrow is a promissory note and today is money in the bank--that is so very true. Because we ALL get caught up in wanting Friday to get here faster so we can start the weekend. Putting off calling a loved one who lives not-so-close to us. Take for granted how lucky we are, no matter what our financial situation or status in our jobs and life may be.

Last night, I was fortunate enough to welcome Kaleb, Grandson #4, make his grand entrance into our world. He was surrounded by love, near and far. He filled the room with hope, happiness and the miracle of birth. He looks my Adam, his Dad. (My Wife and Father both said as much). As I was looking at him--OK, fixated on him--I couldn't help but think about my own mortality. Here I was, in a hospital, with Jen hooked up via IV's and with no less than 8 other people in the room. Trying to not have flashbacks and trying to focus on the new life in front me.

I just embraced the scene. Thought of never forgetting this moment so one day I could tell Kaleb about him being born through my eyes. Watched Teresa melt. Hugged and kissed my Son. Because we sometimes forget that we come into this life with no fear--of death, disease, the unknown--and no concept of NOT enjoying the moment. Kaleb, welcome my Grandson. Kristen, enjoy the moments and time you have with those you love, who are here NOW. Life is a beautiful thing to see.

I feel fortunate to be living in the moment.

Things We Should Say All The Time

Sorry for not posting after 100. My life has been changing at a rapid pace.

I left my job of four years last Thursday. It felt like a long good-bye. One that came with mixed emotions but a totally clear head as I walked out the door. And a big smile on my face. I'm off to a new adventure. And I haven't been this jazzed about a job in a long time. But enough of that crap. What I really did was do what I set out to do when I started out this blog––ya followin' that, because I'm writing it and I'm not so sure myself––watching how my decision, my life, my cancer effects others.

The announcement of my departure was sent by my boss. I actually just read it again––3 paragraphs, 1 about me and the other 2 about a new leader and how great my replacement will be––and it summed up the last two weeks at my previous employer. (Now Ricardo, don't think this is a dis to you. I think you're going to be great. I know it. It just struck me as another thing to write about). Which leads me to––finally––the point of this post.

When I had cancer, it seemed that it divided people I knew into three categories––those who accepted me as I had always been, those who didn't know what to say and stumbled through conversations and those who avoided me as much as possible. (Check out an earlier post I did, I Don't Know What To Say). For those who wished me well and were so happy for me, they will be with me forever. For those who stumbled through their "congratulations" and really only wanted to know "the gossip", the jury is still out if we stay in touch. For those who avoided me as much as possible, I hope you find your inner peace and truth.

The only sad part of leaving was hearing the good things I never knew people though about me. Why? Because we need to share our thoughts, feelings and positive experiences every day. We need to tell those we love them, we love them. Even if they do know it. We need to say "thank you" and "please and act like adults instead of spoiled, insecure and ignorant arrogant humans. So I leave that part of my life behind and tell you what I myself don't say enough.

Thank you. I love you. I'm a better person to have you in my life.